Ellen DeGeneres at Tulane’s 2009 Commencement Speech.

(via cbucks)

(via r4punzel)

Anonymous asked: omg if baby oil dissolves condoms what the fuck does it do to babies???

the-kellin-under-the-vic:

This may be shocking, but babies and condoms are made of different material

  • WiFi: connected
  • Me: then fucking act like it

sextspert:

superwholock-at-hogwarts:

chevvybar:

hiddlestalker:

lifehackable:

More Life Hacks Here

Day 1: you ripped open my vagina and I hate you
Day 5: just kidding you’re so cute and soft and small lol I could fit you in a handbag
Month 2: STOP CRYING PLEEEAASE. JUST ONE HOUR OF SLEEP AND I WILL LOVE YOU FOREVERRRR
Month 5: mama? Mama? Mama? Say it? Please? Say something? Please
Month 8: IF. YOU. DON’T. STOP. SAYING. MAMA. THE. POLICE. WILL. NEVER. FIND. THE. BODY.
Year 1: One down. 17 to go…
Year 1, Month 11: oh god.. it’s coming…
Year 2: NO PLEASE JUST PUT THAT DOWN. NNOOO! DON’T TOUCH THAT! Baby, i love you no matter whaT BUT PLEASE DON’T TOUCH THAT JJUST STAY STILL PLEASE SWEETHEART
Year 3: Oh thank god that’s over
Year 4: Awwww, you went to preschool. isn;t that adorable, my little intellectual shit
Year 5: ACTUAL SCHOOL! YOU LEARNED COLORS AND NUMBERS YOU’RE A GENIUS

Year 15: You called me a fuckwit. What the fuck is a fuckwit?

year 16; oh god no LIGHTLY step on the gas NO NON NO NO YOU DONT HAVE TO PRESS THAT HARD ON THE BREAK!!!

year 17: I caught you masturbating but you didn’t notice so I didn’t say anything. You’re welcome.

(via cbucks)

awkwardvagina:

awkwardvagina:

so yesterday i was in london and i tripped up at the tube station and was helped up by this guy so i told my friend

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and just now my friend sent me a link to this craigslist ad 

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I AM IN DISBELIEF 

Update: i have now procured a date

(via cbucks)

(via binguji)

theartassignment:

the-hole-in-the-world:

My second crack at the Art Assignment is a piece of crochet for the recent assignment #11: Under the Influence.

I’m not much of a painter so I decided (after finally finding my crochet hooks having moved house earlier this month) to take my inspiration from the colours used as well as the image itself rather than from the materials used.

The painting is San Giorgio Maggiore by Claude Monet, and it’s quite possibly my favorite piece of art at the Welsh National Museum in Cardiff so upon receiving the new assignment I decided to put some odds and ends of yarn I already had (hence the introduction of a bit more green than Monet used) together and made something small that in some small way resembles the original.

It was really nice to just sit and crochet again as I haven’t done so in a while, the addition of chocolate, friends and Buffy the Vampire Slayer to keep me company also made the process that bit more enjoyable too.

Love the translation to a different medium.

(via fishingboatproceeds)

(via cali-l0ve)

jerkidiot:

my mom always throws old clothes that she has nothing to do with in my closet, and whenever i call her out on it, she says “i have never done that, all of the clothes in your closet are yours”

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are you sure mom

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are you sure these are my clothes

(via littlemusicalwitch)

helpimtrappedinawebsite:

when he is over 6ft tall - Vy Le x

(via hi)

(via statesxaway)

animeismywhore:

Heidi, episode 3: “In the Meadow”

(via sedxction)

burningbrighterstill:

i rmb feeling like this about school. that’s why i dropped out~ lol 

(via gravitysex)